Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Box Art Comparison

November 11, 2013

With the PlayStation 4 set to launch in a few days, I found my Sunday newspaper filled to the brim with adverts for the new console, showcasing the lineup of games for the console. But as I browsed through the ads, I couldn’t help but notice that the artwork on the boxes was missing something… but what?

Say, let’s look at this handy visual aid I whipped up. On the left you will find the launch lineup for the PS4, on the right, the current library for the Wii U. What are the PS4 boxes missing that the Wii U boxes have? Go ahead, take your time, I can wait.ps4vwiiu
That’s right! Color! Apparently, the PlayStation 4 is SO mature and SO hardcore, all of the color from the box art has been sucked away. Each box for the PS4 features a lone protagonist, glaring out at you, as all the color and life is sucked out of the background. Hell, even the SPORTS games follow suit; just add a military helmet and a rifle and you’ve got the cover for the next WWII shooter.

In contrast, the box art for the Wii U games are bursting with life and color, greeting you with open arms into their weird worlds and fighting for your attention on the store shelves. Why is Mario wearing a cat suit? What’s with this guy with a fist twice the size he is? And what crime has this red Pikmin committed that justifies locking him up inside a bottle? You need to buy this game to find out!

I didn’t make this up just to mock the PlayStation 4; this illustrates a problem with the game industry as a whole. As often as Nintendo is mocked for “playing it safe” with properties like Mario and Zelda, Nintendo’s got nothing on a majority of the rest of the developers and publishers in the industry. As much as devs and publishers brag about innovation, it seems the only “innovation” being pushed these days are A) slightly purdier graphics, B) games more and more dependent on online play and DLC, and C) games that are essentially the same shooters mimicking Hollywood blockbusters. Year after year, it’s all becoming homogeneous, each game looking and playing the same as the others, developers and publishers alike fearful of alienating the “dude-bro” gamers that they have become so dependent on. God forbid you change the gameplay or control style of what’s been established, even if it could lead to something that works even better for the games you enjoy.

This was BUILT for first person shooters, and the industry just took a big shit on it, not wanting to stray from the archaic dual analog establishment.

In closing, it’s not wise to judge a book by it’s cover… but it’s also not wise to make the cover of your book so drab and lifeless that no one even notices.

San-nick Lerst Werld

May 19, 2013

Probably the biggest announcement in the most recent Nintendo Direct was the news that the next big Sonic the Hedgehog platformer, currently named Sonic Lost World (Pretty sure that will probably end up changing to something else), would be exclusive to Nintendo consoles, namely the Wii U and 3DS, as would the next two entries in the franchise, which includes the new Mario & Sonic at the Olympics game and a heretofore unannounced title.

Great, I thought to myself, if Nintendo’s doing the publishing duties (at least in some territories, it’s not that clear at the moment), they’ll be breathing down Sega’s neck to make a good game.

Naturally, my second thought was, I wonder when the Internet is going to go all Bayonetta 2 on this news?

Thank the stars, I didn’t have to wait long, as the Sonic fans who thought Sonic 2006 was a gaming masterpiece soon took to their mom’s computers and spewed their bile upon the interwebs.

“Horrible news, Are there going out of the way to piss off class sonic fans? Exclusive rights is the worst move sega could have done, it’s on a sinking ship/console that is already doing pretty badly.”

“We the fans waited 2 years for the next canon game, we got it, turns out not everyone can play it, the majority can’t because nobody really has a wii u.”

“Sonic fans who are not interested in have WiiU will miss at least 3 games!.   We respect your decision but we want you to please give us in the future Sonic Games for all plataforms!”

Because, you know, there was absolutely NO PRECEDENCE for an exclusive Sonic title to appear on the Wii U.
None whatsoever.

Fortunately, there was sanity among the madness.

“So, all of you saying exclusive is bad for Nintendo… You piss ants would praise God if the titles were PS3/4 and 360/next exclusive wouldn’t you? Suck it up, grow up, and get a U and 3DS.”

“I will buy a Wii U for this. I don’t have any issue with Nintendo taking exclusivity. It is a good home for Sonic as he is favored by children first and foremost. Maybe they will stop trying to do serious things with him then such as human-like characters and love interests.”

“I was going to get a Wii U eventually, and I find it much more reasonable for SEGA to focus on a single party rather than port their games to every company and their mothers. Nintendo and Sonic need each other, IMO. Sonic will attract more attention to Nintendo, and both Nintendo and SEGA will benefit from this.”

I do find it amusing that the reason most ‘gamers’ state as the reason for not buying a Wii U is the lack of exclusives. But with each exclusive Nintendo unveils, these ‘fans’ complain that Nintendo has somehow ‘stolen’  games from their systems, games that they wouldn’t buy anyway since they’d be playing Army of WarGears 4: Space Zombie Edition or Morbidly Obese Football Coach Sim Roster Update 2013.

Six Seconds

March 30, 2013

As I’m still six or so months away from saving up enough money to purchase a Wii U, I’m pleased to see that Nintendo is continuing to make improvements to the OS, which has fairly been called rather sluggish with 30 second load times to boot from the main menu to an actual game/app and vice versa. The latest update, due next month, reduces the load time down to a smooth six seconds, which sounds pretty damn quick to me…

Until you actually start reading the word vomit on webforums, who are quick to declare that six seconds is an ETERNITY! How can it still take six seconds? My iPhone can boot back to the main menu from a game in progress in MACRO-SECONDS! Sure, smartphones were built to allow you to jump back to the main menu quickly so you can, I dunno, ANSWER THE PHONE, while a video game console was built for actually playing video games, and you probably wouldn’t need to constantly jump between playing ZombiU and the main menu, BUT STILL!

Jeez, what kind of impatient, instant gratification losers find that SIX SECONDS is unacceptable? You idiots never would’ve survived the Sega CD era.